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新年flag難逃打臉魔咒心理學教你避免
2020-01-11 18:12  www.sghunter.com

  步入21世纪第三个十年,相信新年里你已经定下了很多目标,像读30本书,新学一门外语,坚持健身,少玩点手机……但很大的可能是,去年你也定了这些目标,并且大多没有实现。

In the third decade of the 21st century, I believe you have set many goals in the New Year, such as reading 30 books, learning a new foreign language, keeping fit and playing with less cell phones. But most likely, you set these goals last year, and most of them have not been achieved.

  别担心,你不是一个人:一项对200人的追踪研究显示,77%的人能够坚持新年目标一周(也就是说,23%的人甚至都没有坚持一周)坚持两年的人只有19%。

Don't worry, you're not alone: a follow-up study of 200 people showed that 77 percent of people were able to stick to the new year's goal for a week (i.e.,23 percent didn't even stick to it for a week).

  作为国家二级退堂鼓表演艺术家和心理学工作者,我对于完不成新年目标这件事颇有心得。久病成医,我总结了一些与没能完成目标密切相关的行为,比如:

As a national second-tier performance artist and psychologist, I've learned a lot about failing to meet New Year's goals. Having been a doctor for a long time, I have summed up some behaviors that are closely related to failing to achieve goals, such as:

  我们经常在新闻中看到自律到极致的人,但这并不是一件简单的事,人们的意志力本身就是有高低的。事实上,对大部分人来说,单靠意志力去实现决心,失败概率太高了。

We often see people who are self-disciplined to the extreme in the news, but it's not a simple thing, people's willpower itself is high and low. In fact, for most people, the probability of failure is too high to achieve willpower alone.

  我们曾被教导“人定胜天“,被长辈反复强调意志力的重要性,因此,承认自己意志力不足并不容易。人们宁愿死撑到放弃计划,也不愿借助外力,但我们完全可以换个角度:只要能够达成目标,就算意志力差点,又会怎么样呢?

We have been taught that \"man wins the day \", and the importance of willpower has been repeatedly emphasized by our elders, so it is not easy to admit that we have insufficient willpower. People would rather give up their plans than use them, but we can all change our perspective: what if we can achieve the goal, even if the willpower is almost there?

  毕竟,意志力并不是决定计划成功与否的唯一因素,它的敌人,那些很容易夺走你注意力的诱惑也确实很强大。改变环境也好,他人监督也好,接受自己意志力不足这个事实后,尝试一些技巧来对抗诱惑是更好的选择,

After all, willpower is not the only factor that determines the success of a plan, and its enemies, the temptations that can easily take your attention, are indeed powerful. It's better to try some techniques to fight temptation after changing the environment, being supervised, and accepting that your willpower is not enough.

  想健身?那就把运动服放在看得见的地方;想戒烟?那就不要在身上带烟;想减肥?那就别买零食。真的没有必要过分考验自己的意志力。

Want to get fit? Put your sportswear where you can see it; want to quit? Don't smoke; want to lose weight? Then don't buy snacks. There's really no need to over-test your willpower.

  现实是,如果目标太大,你可能根本就不会迈出第一步,而多次言而无信后,我们或许会产生强烈的挫败感,不再对计划有信心了。

The reality is that if the goal is too big, you probably won't take the first step at all, and after so many times we may have a strong sense of frustration and no more confidence in the plan.

  在制定目标时,最好的目标永远是在现有基础上“往前推进一步“,如果你真的要完成新年计划,第一步一定要易于达成。

When setting goals, the best goal is always to \"move forward\" on an existing basis, and if you really want to complete your New Year's plan, the first step must be easy to achieve.

  比如你想坚持长跑,但现在很少锻炼,那么先准备一双舒适的跑鞋,从短跑开始,先试几次,慢慢地延长每次跑步的时间,最后达成长跑的目标。

For example, you want to stick to the long run, but now very little exercise, then first prepare a pair of comfortable running shoes, start from the sprint, first try a few times, slowly extend the time of each run, and finally achieve the goal of long-distance running.

  并且,随时调整难度,如果你觉得计划太简单,大可在下次将它调难一点,简单的第一步,总是比困难得迈不动脚要来得好。

And if you think the plan is too simple, you can make it harder next time. A simple first step is always better than a tough one.

  现实是,这种想法会让你出现“禁欲违反效应(AbstinenceViolationEffect)”。举个例子,在戒酒的过程中,一旦沾了一次酒,之后就破罐破摔越喝越多了。

The reality is that the idea will give you the \"Abstinence Violation Effect \". For example, in the course of quitting alcohol, once the wine has been touched, then broken cans more and more drink.

  在完成目标的过程中,严格的自律很难,本文开头提到的那篇研究显示,即使是那些成功坚持了新年目标的人,在两年内出现失误的平均次数也有14次。也就是说,53%的人至少经历过一次失误。

Strict self-discipline is hard to achieve, according to the study at the beginning of the article. Even those who have successfully adhered to the new year's goals have made an average of 14 mistakes in two years. In other words,53% have experienced at least one mistake.

  换而言之,出现小失败的可能很大,减肥时不小心吃了两口零食、健身时不小心有一天没有完成目标,这才是普通人的常态。

In other words, the possibility of small failure is very large, weight loss accidentally eat two snacks, fitness accidentally one day failed to achieve the goal, this is the norm for ordinary people.

  作家萨缪尔·贝克特曾说,Tryagain,Failagain,Failbetter——再试,再失败,更好地失败。与其关注自己失败了多少次,不如关注花多久回到正轨,后者更好实现:我们很难做到不去犯错,但我们能够做到让失误的影响降到最小。

Writer Samuel Beckett once said that Trygain, Failagain, Fail better. Instead of focusing on how many times we've failed, focusing on how long it takes to get back on track, the latter is better: it's hard not to make mistakes, but we can minimize them.

  首先,要扭转关于计划的绝对化信念,达成计划的过程并不是只有0和1,还有很多中间地带,即使我现在不小心抽了一口烟,也不意味着我的新年计划就失败了。

First of all, to reverse the absolute belief in the plan, the process of reaching the plan is not only 0 and 1, but also a lot of middle ground, even if I accidentally smoke now, it does not mean that my New year plan will fail.

  其次,不要谴责自己。“禁欲违反效应”的出现,很大程度上是由于将失败的原因归结为自己不行,比如意志力不坚定。这种判断会削弱你的控制感和完成目标的动机。

Second, don't condemn yourself. The \"abstinence violation effect\" is largely due to the failure of the reasons attributed to their own, such as willpower is not firm. This judgment weakens your sense of control and motivation to achieve your goals.

  与人们所想的不同,谴责带来的羞耻与内疚并不会帮助你保持良好习惯。事实上,这种感觉会让你陷入一种不良的“自我印证”——没错,我就是这么一个没能坚持的人,我正在打破我的计划。

Unlike what people think, the shame and guilt of condemnation doesn't help you maintain good habits. In fact, this feeling will put you in a bad \"self-verification \"- yes, I'm the one who hasn't been able to hold on, and I'm breaking my plans.

  这种现实的印证与自我评判将能缓解羞耻感,让你感觉好一些,这就是为什么会有人说:“今天中午我又吃撑了,所以下午干脆喝了两杯奶茶。”

This confirmation of reality and self-judgment will relieve your sense of shame and make you feel better, which is why some say:\" I had another lunch this afternoon, so I had two cups of milk tea in the afternoon.\"

  与谴责自己相反的应对模式是就事论事,反思这次为什么失败了,和成功的那几天比,这次的情况有什么不同?

Contrary to condemning oneself, the coping style is to take matters into account, to reflect on why this has failed, and what is the difference between this and the successful days?

  比如说,前两天能坚持合理饮食,为什么这次会多吃呢?因为压力很大,还是今天有零食放在触手可及的地方?当觉察到各种情境因素的不同后,才能更好地找回对计划的掌控感。

For example, the first two days can adhere to a reasonable diet, why eat more this time? Because of the pressure, or is there a snack at your fingertips today? A better sense of control over the plan can be found when the various situational factors are perceived.

  简而言之,不要对你的意志力过于自信,你要相信最终会成功,但不等于不会遇上小失败,在不自信和过度自信之间找到最佳平衡点,设立一些切实可行的目标,并且不被失败扰乱。这样的话,你实现新年计划的可能性会大大升高。

In short, don't be too confident in your willpower, believe that you will succeed in the end, but don't mean you won't encounter minor failures, find the best balance between unconfidence and overconfidence, set practical goals that aren't disrupted by failure. In this way, your chances of fulfilling your New Year's plan will be greatly increased.

  借用作家威廉·福克纳的话:别自寻烦恼,只想比同龄人或先辈们出色,去试着比你自己更出色——超越自己,在今年内完成去年没有完成的计划吧。(文小宁)

To paraphrase the writer William Faulkner, don't bother yourself, just try to be better than your peers or predecessors, try to be better than yourself - get ahead of yourself and finish last year's unfinished business within this year. (Man Siu Ning)