In the third decade of the 21st century, I believe you have set many goals in the New Year, such as reading 30 books, learning a new foreign language, keeping fit and playing with less cell phones. But most likely, you set these goals last year, and most of them have not been achieved.
Don't worry, you're not alone: a follow-up study of 200 people showed that 77 percent of people were able to stick to the new year's goal for a week (i.e.,23 percent didn't even stick to it for a week).
As a national second-tier performance artist and psychologist, I've learned a lot about failing to meet New Year's goals. Having been a doctor for a long time, I have summed up some behaviors that are closely related to failing to achieve goals, such as:
We often see people who are self-disciplined to the extreme in the news, but it's not a simple thing, people's willpower itself is high and low. In fact, for most people, the probability of failure is too high to achieve willpower alone.
We have been taught that \"man wins the day \", and the importance of willpower has been repeatedly emphasized by our elders, so it is not easy to admit that we have insufficient willpower. People would rather give up their plans than use them, but we can all change our perspective: what if we can achieve the goal, even if the willpower is almost there?
After all, willpower is not the only factor that determines the success of a plan, and its enemies, the temptations that can easily take your attention, are indeed powerful. It's better to try some techniques to fight temptation after changing the environment, being supervised, and accepting that your willpower is not enough.
Want to get fit? Put your sportswear where you can see it; want to quit? Don't smoke; want to lose weight? Then don't buy snacks. There's really no need to over-test your willpower.
The reality is that if the goal is too big, you probably won't take the first step at all, and after so many times we may have a strong sense of frustration and no more confidence in the plan.
When setting goals, the best goal is always to \"move forward\" on an existing basis, and if you really want to complete your New Year's plan, the first step must be easy to achieve.
For example, you want to stick to the long run, but now very little exercise, then first prepare a pair of comfortable running shoes, start from the sprint, first try a few times, slowly extend the time of each run, and finally achieve the goal of long-distance running.
And if you think the plan is too simple, you can make it harder next time. A simple first step is always better than a tough one.
The reality is that the idea will give you the \"Abstinence Violation Effect \". For example, in the course of quitting alcohol, once the wine has been touched, then broken cans more and more drink.
Strict self-discipline is hard to achieve, according to the study at the beginning of the article. Even those who have successfully adhered to the new year's goals have made an average of 14 mistakes in two years. In other words,53% have experienced at least one mistake.
In other words, the possibility of small failure is very large, weight loss accidentally eat two snacks, fitness accidentally one day failed to achieve the goal, this is the norm for ordinary people.
Writer Samuel Beckett once said that Trygain, Failagain, Fail better. Instead of focusing on how many times we've failed, focusing on how long it takes to get back on track, the latter is better: it's hard not to make mistakes, but we can minimize them.
First of all, to reverse the absolute belief in the plan, the process of reaching the plan is not only 0 and 1, but also a lot of middle ground, even if I accidentally smoke now, it does not mean that my New year plan will fail.
Second, don't condemn yourself. The \"abstinence violation effect\" is largely due to the failure of the reasons attributed to their own, such as willpower is not firm. This judgment weakens your sense of control and motivation to achieve your goals.
Unlike what people think, the shame and guilt of condemnation doesn't help you maintain good habits. In fact, this feeling will put you in a bad \"self-verification \"- yes, I'm the one who hasn't been able to hold on, and I'm breaking my plans.
This confirmation of reality and self-judgment will relieve your sense of shame and make you feel better, which is why some say:\" I had another lunch this afternoon, so I had two cups of milk tea in the afternoon.\"
Contrary to condemning oneself, the coping style is to take matters into account, to reflect on why this has failed, and what is the difference between this and the successful days?
For example, the first two days can adhere to a reasonable diet, why eat more this time? Because of the pressure, or is there a snack at your fingertips today? A better sense of control over the plan can be found when the various situational factors are perceived.
In short, don't be too confident in your willpower, believe that you will succeed in the end, but don't mean you won't encounter minor failures, find the best balance between unconfidence and overconfidence, set practical goals that aren't disrupted by failure. In this way, your chances of fulfilling your New Year's plan will be greatly increased.
To paraphrase the writer William Faulkner, don't bother yourself, just try to be better than your peers or predecessors, try to be better than yourself - get ahead of yourself and finish last year's unfinished business within this year. (Man Siu Ning)