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對不起,我沒考好,父母這樣回應,孩子會越來越優秀!伴讀
2020-01-11 18:12  www.sghunter.com

回想起来,我们小时候几乎都有过“被成绩支配”的辛酸经历:考好了全家欢喜,好吃好喝招待着;考差了忐忑惊慌,甚至免不了一顿“竹笋炒肉”。

In retrospect, almost all of us had the bitter experience of \"being dominated by achievements\" when we were children: the whole family was happy and the food was good and the food was good and the food was good.

当孩子考差了,父母的态度和反应深刻影响着孩子对自我的评价,对学习的认知,影响着他日后的思维方式和行为表现。

When the child's examination is poor, the attitude and reaction of the parents deeply affect the child's self-evaluation, the cognition of learning, and the way he thinks and behaves in the future.

许多父母不允许孩子考差,可能觉得没面子,或者过于焦虑,通过一次成绩仿佛就看到了孩子的未来,于是容易情绪失控,朝孩子发泄怒火。

Many parents do not allow their children to test bad, may feel humiliated, or too anxious, through a performance as if to see the child's future, so easy to lose control of the mood, venting anger at the child.

看过一则新闻,河南洛阳12岁男孩某一科成绩没有达到预期的95分,只考了81分,被妈妈一气之下扔在了高速路口。

After reading a news, a 12-year-old boy in luoyang, henan did not achieve the expected score of 95 points, only 81 points, was thrown by his mother in a high-speed intersection.

其次,如果没考好这件事本身就会损害孩子的自信心,那么再加上父母的批评指责,孩子会更加自卑、产生消极的自我暗示,觉得自己就是“笨”、“不是学习的料”,容易自暴自弃、厌学。

Secondly, if the failure to test the matter itself will damage the child's self-confidence, then combined with the criticism of parents, the child will be more inferiority complex, produce negative self-suggestion, feel that they are \"stupid \",\" not the material for learning \", easy to abandon themselves, tired of learning.

此外,父母的负面情绪和打击否定,会损伤亲子关系。而亲子关系大于教育,只有亲子关系好,父母的话对孩子才会有影响力,孩子才会尊重、信任父母,愿意听取父母的建议。

In addition, parents'negative emotions and negative blows will damage the parent-child relationship. And the parent-child relationship is greater than education, only if the parent-child relationship is good, the words of the parents will have influence on the children, the children will respect, trust the parents, and be willing to listen to the advice of the parents.

不管孩子考得多差,父母首先应该安放好自己那颗焦虑的心,做好情绪管理,温和而坚定地站在孩子这边,成为孩子的队友,和孩子一起打败问题。

No matter how bad the child is, parents should first put their own anxious heart, do a good job of emotional management, gently and firmly on the child's side, become a child's teammate, and the child to defeat the problem.

多鼓励孩子,教孩子学会面对挫折与失败,学会处理随之产生的失望、沮丧、自责等情绪,这对孩子一生都是意义非凡的。

Encourage children, teach children to face setbacks and failures, learn to deal with the resulting disappointments, depression, self-blame and other emotions, which is of great significance to children throughout their lives.

不管孩子考得怎样,父母应该把关注点放在孩子自身的成长和进步上,发现孩子点滴的变化和进步,给予肯定,这是孩子自信的来源。

Regardless of the child's test, parents should focus on the child's own growth and progress, find the child's little changes and progress, give affirmation, this is the source of the child's confidence.

直到妈妈看到弟弟的成绩,准备发怒时,却突然想到有天晚上撞见弟弟在房间里认真地做着练习题,小手不断地揉着疲倦的眼睛,强忍着睡意努力保持清醒的样子。

Until the mother saw the results of the younger brother, ready to be angry, but suddenly thought of one night to meet the younger brother in the room seriously doing exercises, small hands constantly rubbed tired eyes, forced to sleep hard to keep awake look.

这位妈妈是智慧的,她不会因为一次的成绩就判定孩子如何,懂得看到孩子成绩背后的东西和在过程中付出的努力。

The mother is intelligent, she doesn't judge how the child is because of one achievement, know how to see what is behind the child's achievement and the effort she makes in the process.

我们更应该去看到孩子的成绩反映出什么,帮孩子分析,是粗心大意、练习不够、学习态度问题,还是学习能力、方法问题;亦或是生活或人际交往上的因素影响了学习,这些都需要家长与孩子平等耐心地沟通。

We should see what children's achievements reflect, help them analyze, whether they are careless, inadequate practice, learning attitude problems, learning ability, method problems, or life or interpersonal factors affecting learning, all of which require equal and patient communication between parents and children.

父母还需要反思自己的教育方式,是不是在学习上对孩子包办太多、控制太多,还是因为忙而疏于引导,导致孩子养成不良的学习习惯,等等。

Parents also need to reflect on their own way of education, whether in the study of children too much arranged, too much control, or because of busy and lack of guidance, resulting in children develop bad study habits, and so on.

发现问题后,就要针对性地采取实际行动,制定计划,和孩子一起商量解决办法,通过适当的监督和引导,真正解决问题。

After discovering the problem, we should take practical action pertinently, make a plan, discuss the solution with the child together, through proper supervision and guidance, solve the problem really.

当孩子考差了应如何教育,其实没有一个统一的标准答案,在以上三个大方向的引领下,父母还需要根据自己孩子的特质、性格来调整具体的方式。

When children should be poor education, in fact, there is no unified standard answer, under the guidance of the above three major directions, parents also need to adjust the specific way according to their children's characteristics, personality.

高分不捧、低分不骂,用温和理智的情绪、真诚的鼓励、切实可行的改进措施来引导,相信孩子的成绩一定会越来越优秀。

High marks do not praise, low scores do not scold, with gentle and rational mood, sincere encouragement, practical improvement measures to guide, believe that children will be more and more excellent results.

作者|钱志亮,北京师范大学名师。86级毕业留校,1994年留学归国,博士学历。研究方向为儿童发展问题咨询、特殊需要儿童教育。个人公众号:钱志亮工作室(ID:qzlgzs)

Qian Zhiliang, famous teacher of Beijing Normal University. Class 86, returned to school in 1994, phd. The research focuses on child development counselling and education for children with special needs. Personal Public Number: Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlgzs)